I've known my best friend Caitlin since kindergarten, but our relationship blossomed in high school. One major bonding experience that solidified our friendship was our weekly Disney movie marathons. Better yet, we did, and still do it right: VHS all the way homies.
Collectively, we watch a lot of movies, but Caitlin is the movie master. Her repertoire of viewed films is astounding. She is also excellent at getting caught up in the emotional plot line. It wasn't until I was 15 that I cried because of a movie. What was this tragic and masterful film that brought this heartless witch to tears, you ask? Well dear reader, it was none other than Disney's Pocahontas. I think it remains one of the count-on-one-hand few movies to make me weep, ever. I honestly cannot remember the last movie to join this elite club, but I'm sure Forrest Gump is in there. Anyway, I blame it on my gammy hormones.
To this day, we still watch Disney movies regularly, sometimes on DVD, sometimes on Blu-Ray, but one constant is that we always sing along with our favourite songs. To the dismay of other guests at our viewings, we still sing along even when we don't know the words.
Our newest Disney obsession is with Tangled. We belt out her magic healing hair chant way more than we probably should. We've also made some odd substitutions, like sperm and candle, for various relevant situations. I'm sure the public just loves us.
Our 18th birthdays brought on a sad realization: we are past our prime. What prince would want us now? We missed our chances at love at first sight as a girl of 16, or a young maiden but of 17 years, or the most magical of all, on the eve of her 18th birthday. I'm no Kate Middleton, but I still believe in happy endings, no matter how domestic.
Disney sets all our relationships up to fail by comparison, but hey, who wants to uncontrollably start singing about inane daily tasks? Teaching wild animal intricate choreography would be pretty sick though.
At least pedophiles don't want us anymore. Now we're fair game for everyone else.
And who said chivalry was dead?
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