Friday, 23 November 2012

Dreams, finally!

     If you look in the notes on my iPod touch, there are only dreams and really important quotes from silly adventures.  Today, let us begin the wild journey into my subconscious (actually I believe in Day Residue and random nerve firings while in REM sleep, but you're here for entertainment not a psychology lecture).
     My drawing abilities are a little rusty right now, so bear with me, and we'll get through this.  Thank glob for 4 day weekends next semester.
     A few nights ago, I dreamt that I was hosting a tonne of people at my family cabin.  There was a property beside ours for sale so we went over to check it out.  Equipped with a full on beach house sleeping cabin and separate boardwalk toilet, I decided to see if it had indoor plumbing.  There was a cat inside the little out-housey structure so I gave it a scritch then dropped trow to tinkle.  In real life, I would never, ever, ever pet a wild, flea and tick ridden cat then touch my junk area, but it's a dream and anything can happen.  And that was certainly the truth.  The toilet had one of those chain dangling flusher pulls, so I had to take advantage of that because I've never used one before.  To my horror, as I stood up to pull my undies and pants up, I had a spongy set of male genitalia.   
     Possibly an even more strange turn of events, the cat I had been petting came out of the toilet.
     It told me that it was an ancient demon, but I was pretty pissed off that it gave me a D after petting it and saying nice things to it.  I didn't even call it a pussy.  
     Adjusting to my possibly fake, non-function man parts was really challenging.  The texture was like stress ball material, and was definitely not human skin, or even part of my body. I tried tucking it between my legs, but that made walking really uncomfortable. 
I gave up and put my shorts back on, if anyone notices, maybe the sorcery would go away.  
     The terror disappeared from my unnatural package and I returned to my friends, a make-shift Scooby Doo Mystery Team, complete with Chris Hemsworth as Fred.
      Don't get me wrong, Chris Hemsworth is a wicked hunk, no lie.  I just just felt like drawing a derpy version of him for fun. Anyway, I think I had woman-parts again because we went swimming and my bathing suit fit fine and I wasn't embarrassed of my gender ambiguity.
     The take-home message from this dream is that I have NEVER, EVER had such a vivid dream about junk before.  Hopefully I haven't scared anyone for life.  It was just so strange.  Here's one more piece of uncomfortable fun to round out the post!
    Future dreams will be waaaaaaaaaaaay less vulgar, I promise!