Saturday, 24 December 2011


Merry Various Non-Denominational Holiday Season's greetings gentle readers!
     I've reclused into knitting while watching Studio Ghibli movies mode for the last few days when I haven't been at work.  School is all wrapped up now, all my packages have come in the mail, and all loose upsetting ends have been re-consolidated as blurred memories.  The only real cheer-stealer now is that LMFAO is on February 9th as opposed to last night.  Oh well, at least I have Fridays off next semester.
     To make life even sweeter, The Prince of Egypt is on Teletoon.  Scantily clad, singing animated Jewish men?  Happy holidays to us all!  They are God's chosen people for a reason.
     My mum works till 5 tonight so we can't go out and enjoy Norwegian Christmas Eve with my Dad's side of the family.  Next year, we're going without her.  I love doing Christmas the night before.  Scandinavian traditions are the first family gatherings I look forward to, but we haven't gone for the last few years because of one of us working too late.  The only good thing to come out of not going this year is that we are having steak for dinner tonight.  I can live with that.
     Anyway, I sincerely hope everyone has a restful and enjoyable holiday.  If that isn't enough, so many family events give us perfectly legitimate reasons to get buck wild with our friends to celebrate the end of the holidays!

Friday, 9 December 2011

Fine Entertainment

     My brother and I love Beavis and Butthead.  Pants were nearly soiled when we learned of the show's triumphant return to MTV this fall.  We watch it religiously together every Thursday.  It is my brother's burfday today, so I made him a super nice picture as a supplementary gift to show my sibling appreciation on his special day.
      So many people are celebrating birthdays this month.  I'm concerned by all this juggling partying with finals and finance.  I am getting very close to broke, but feeling oh so joyful.  I'll keep doing mini posts until I'm free on Winter break.

Sunday, 4 December 2011


     I've been formulating posts for the last...practically...month, but between finals and being too broke to afford paper Thing of Stuff has taken an uncomfortable seat on the back burner.  Honestly, I would be drawing all the time if I had the choice, or at least scribbling down quirky anecdotes.  Sadly, this is not the life of a broke-ass student trying not to get C's in all her courses.
     I had a dream once, that I had a pet hamster in an aquarium.  I forgot to feed it for a month because I didn't know I had it because I don't own a hamster.  When I finally realized a small animal depended on me, I was ready to get my maternal instinct on to sustain a small rodent's life.
     To my horror, the hamster was so thin that its skin was desiccated around  its spinal column.  BUT HOW WAS IT STILL ALIVE?!?!?!?
     The inspiration for this monstrosity must have come from an episode of Spongebob eons back, before the show bombed.  Scarred for life, for sure.  Doesn't the voice sound like Mrs. Bighead from Rocko's Modern Life?
    Image from:
    Obviously, you can all see my mega art skillllz in Paint.  I am so sorry you had to become that hamster.

Friday, 11 November 2011


     Life is full of unexpected things.  Sometimes we try to predict them, sometimes we really hope our gut feeling is wrong.  Sometimes you really can't tell what's going to happen and the only way to find out is to make your choice and see how it plays out.
     It is that time of year where people seem to pair up.  Cold weather triggers a need in mammals to find something else cozy and settle down for winter.
     I have been having trouble falling directly to sleep, be it from academic stress or excitement or any number of things.  More and more often, I have been noticing the sound of train whistles every night from 10:45PM till after midnight.  I think trains are one of the most romantic things, like...ever, aside from correspondence via mail.  Hearing the sound of trains fade off in the distance only to be replaced by the whistle of the next, usually lulls me to sleep.
     Some nights, I worm my head out of the corner of my bed, wrap myself in quilts and rest my chin on the window ledge just above my bed.  I can look out into the night, however my window is always dewy with condensation and exceedingly cold so I never stay up long after that.
How can something so romantic sound so lonely?

Tuesday, 1 November 2011


     Slutty Batman, Slutty Cop, Slutty Nurse, Slutty Referee, we've all seen them.  Halloween is a time to break social norms and festoon ourselves with unusual costumes.  Costume planning also brings out creativity in people who often neglect their fanciful side.  Sadly, most girls just dress like fucking skanks.  Maybe I would drop $60 on a skimpy whore costume if I had cleavage.
     Anyway, I was a garden gnome for Halloween.  Is it wrong that I was able to make 3 different outfits for this costume from my daily wardrobe? 
     On Friday, my best girl and I went to an amazing dub and electro show at the fanciest club down town.  We had to kill an hour and a bit before the doors opened so we meandered the streets in our precious gnome attire.  Bumpin' beats were sailing out into the night, carried perfectly by the crisp night air.  Obviously we went to check it out.
      Near one of many public transportation terminals, there is an outdoor glass dome structure.  People were clustered in the dome around a DJ and there was a full on dance party.  7/11 cups full of dranks were in the hands of every person.  The only unpleasant part of the flash party was a horrible drunk ho-cop wearing tight light jeans and a corset.  As a result of her inebriated dancing, her boobs kept escaping from her far too small and ineffective corset.  I'm harsh and exceedingly self conscious, but if you are chubby and have a huge rack...COVER THAT SHIT UP.  Never have I felt more heterosexual.  Multiple nip slips are the worst kinds of nip slips.
     This was the first time I have been really scared on Halloween in many years.
     After we got into our venue, we got our drank on and hit the floor.  I really love dancing.  People may not realize how much I love it.  It is kind of unexpected, but years of watching Pussycat Dolls music videos and various How To videos on YouTube have built a pretty good repertoire of actual dance moves.  I had a shuffling dance battle with Jesus, and won.  No big deal.
     It hasn't taken me long to realize that I am not going to meet my husband in the club.  Ironically enough, I often get hit on more by girls with boyfriends than by men.  
    .................uuhhhhh thanks?  Now why would she say a thing like that?  This girl was falling down drunk so I let it slide.
     A brief aside, I have decided to take a vow of self improvement and humanitarian efforts for the next few months.  Nuts to dating...not that I've experienced anything even remotely close lately, but if I state it here I may adhere to my convictions better.  I want to volunteer with Project Linus, a charity where people knit or sew blankets for children in crisis.  I can knit in my own time and drop it off at their Vancouver headquarters.  I need to start volunteering and networking in the local mental health scene before I get too close to applying for grad school and what not.
     Back to drunken debauchery, Saturday was wild.  I would even say buckwild.  I went to a frat party with some of my best pals and it was totally the world's longest music video.  Sadly, I did not get to do a keg stand though.  Champagne shower, yes (THE SHAKE THE BOTTLE AND SPRAY IT, THROW IT IN THE AIR AND TIP IT BACK KIND, NOT THE MALE BODILY FLUIDS KIND)!  That was rather rad, not something you experience every day.
     There were a lot of hilarious costumes at the frat party, but one man was a mystery.  We called him Paul Rudd.  When recalling if he was, in fact trying to be Paul Rudd or if Reilly named him that, we had no clue.  He was the shyest boy I have ever met.  He had a boisterous wing man, but Paul Rudd said not one word, just handed me the champagne.  I recognised him from school because he has a distinctive tattoo on his forearm of a scroll with words on it.
     "What does your tattoo say?" I asked as he held our his arm.  "I CAN'T READ ANYMORE!" I replied.  Sooooo smoooth.  I really, really have to stop saying that out loud.  That was the moment I realized I will never make any real relationships with people at parties.  Libraries, school, other fun places, sure.  From here on out, parties are only for being outrageous. 
    I had to work the next morning.  Oh child, that was a gamble.  I woke up feeling like death but by the time 11AM rolled around, my hangover had subsided.  My manager told me to wear my costume to work, because of courrrrseeee other people will dress up.  Once again I donned my mustard yellow tights, a cute floral blouse, high waisted skirt and felted gnome hat, regardless of how covered in mud all my clothes were from the rager the night before.  Of course no other associates were dressed up, but so many customers told me how precious I am so it wasn't all bad.
     I hope you all had a ballin' Halloween and no one blew their faces or extremities off with firecrackers!

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Festive Greetings

     Happy Halloween Errbody!  New holiday post is a-brewin', just have to complete round two of Halloweekend!  Get buckwild tonight and make me proud!
Lots of Festive Love,
                                 Thing of Stuff

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Theme Parks

     I went on an upside down ride for the very first time on Friday.  It was AMAZING!  Not so much because of the churning of my alcohol infused stomach contents, but the fact that I did not ralph everywhere made my night.  As a child, I was plagued by ear infections and one such ailment had a rapid onset during our family flight to Ontario when I was a wee lass of 5.  My eardrum perforated and I've been a clumsy oaf ever since.  Seriously, elevators give me wicked vertigo.  Balance is not my forte.
     Anyway, our local fairgrounds puts on a mega spooky fun time event with haunted houses and people dressed up with fake chainsaws and such.  After years of vowing to go, my crew finally ponied up the $30 with no regrets.  I have to admit, I was pretty nervous about this festive endeavour though.
     Thankfully, no pants were peed in the enjoyment of this night.  I really don't like clowns.  Despite their decent makeup and my level of intoxication, the creepy clowns did not get to me as much as I thought they would.  I did discovered the secret to defeating the vile cretins.
     There is a strict rule that the carnival workers cannot touch the fair-goers, and we cannot touch them, or the props.  I most certainly did not abide by those...guidelines.  After a lot of Dukes of Hazard-style rolling across wooden beds and sitting on gory human props, it was time for a more scenic ride.
     I'm not sure where exactly I was planning on going with this, but we were on the Ferris wheel.  It was late when I drew this one, hokay?  While we were waiting in line for this beautiful ride, we made a new friend.
     Oh hey plastic bat missing one fang, you didn't end up in a back pack.  That would be crazy.  Dang teenagers.
     That whole night, I was rockin' out to some mental Wallpaper and butchering the lyrics due to my genuine, jacked-up, fantastic disposition.
     One of my dreams and expectations for the theme park was that there would be churros.  Oh child, there were.  Words cannot describe the happiness in my chipmunk face as I nibbled the sugar coated pastry snack like some kind of beaming vermin.  Churros are such a seasonal treat to me; they are a total Halloween food.  Only at the Ghost Train have I indulged in the sweet Latin-American snack.  Pure delight.
     Sadly, once again home time rolled around.  We bounced off to the bus stop, our hearts full of glee and our tummies starting to settle after all that activity and excitement.  Huddling together on the small bench was the only way to make it through waiting for the bus in the brisk October night.  We left our bat buddy hanging at the bus shelter as a spooky surprise for a bleary eyed homeless person to find when they curled up on the bench for a rest.
     Finally the last bus, windows foggy with the breath of many a last call's beer, came to transport our sweet starry-eyed selves back across the water to our warm nests.  As much as I despise cold, I do love Autumn and the beautiful colours, warm hearths, and sleepy days it brings.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Public Displays of Idiocy

     Lately, I've been forgetting I am in public.  Hilarious?  Yes.  Practical?  No.  A few weeks ago, I was walking home from my bus stop after dark.  There was no one behind me and no one coming towards me.  I took the appropriate vigilant measures to make sure not to act like a freak in front of other humans.
     Dearest reader, I have a confession to make.  I love white rapper music(also sometimes legit rap music by serious rappists, but mostly gag-rap by men with troubled pasts and mock cocaine addictions).  The pinnacle of this love affair with white rappers is the one and only, Dirt Nasty.
     He had just released the teaser for his new side project with an electro guy, and they made a sick new track with Don't You Want Me Baby as the chorus.  IRL, I got dis cray memory for unimportant facts and song lyrics(especially 90's cartoon theme songs), it never ceases to amaze people.
     Dropping rhymes like a bar of soap in a maximum security prison with a high rate of deprivation homosexuality,  I got so into the song.  Headphones blaring the bumpin' beats, nothing was stopping me from whipping out the rap hands and flailing them like nobody's buisness whist bobbing my head like a real thug missus.  I was mortified when a dad, with a baby in a Snugly, materialized from behind a car.
     I avoided eye contact, waited till it was appropriate to begin flapping around again, and booked it home with a giant smile on my face and the reddest cheeks the night has ever seen.
     Later that week, I waved fervently at a guy I didn't know at all.  Things I had to ask myself after I started talking out loud to him while sitting alone on on the bus and making far too exaggerated facial expressions through the glass at him were, "why is he in the passenger seat of his own car?  Why is this not his license plate?" and most importantly, "why does he only vaguely resemble what he is supposed to look like?".  Good job lady, at least no one sat with you for the rest of the bus ride.   In my defence, he got really excited and waved back too.
     I managed to embarrass myself further over the next weeks by describing a professor's luscious auburn beard.  Going into full detail how it is at that magical state when it becomes soft and luxurious to touch with the perfect ratio of length to fullness.  Turns out he decided to walk by I was saying all this with passion and conviction.  Friends laughing hysterically, my face so flushed it felt like my skin would melt off, and the professor probably extremely flattered and creeped out, a grand time was had by all. Thankfully, he is my friend's former professor, and I don't plan on taking any history classes so I think we're golden.

Friday, 14 October 2011

It's Over 1000!

     What a monuments occasion!  I want to thank all of you for lurking this blog, especially those of you who have passed it on.  Last night, we breached 1000 views, it may not seem impressive to those who know what they're doing, but to me it is amazing.  I thought four of my friends would read this a few times and that would be it.  Thanks to all the international viewers from countries I can only dream of visiting one day.  Also, my apologies to the Romanian who Google image searched "university gang bang 6" and got taken to my blog.
     Here's to having many more adventures, dreams coming true, and wearing plastic dinosaur safari hats into night clubs.

Thursday, 13 October 2011


     Holy jeeze you guys, have I ever been fiending for blogging like a crack ho!  I've been so caught up with school and being a weirdo and another fit of psychologically detrimental decisions that my one true love got shafted.  I am such a private drama queen sometimes.  I won't expose the inner workings of my stupid personal life, but I was a messy mess a few days ago but I haven't had time to even draw because it's midterm season once again.
     Three nights ago, I couldn't resist any longer.  In a fit of despair, I curled into my emo corner (yes, dear reader, I do in fact have an emo corner for those truly horrific times when I'm so overwhelmed all I can do is sit on the long carpet and wait out the onslaught of lachrymose self dialogue).
     I am only putting these drawings up because I find it hilarious how much my mood can affect my style.  Please understand that this is not normally what I'm like in daily life or, if you're joining me here for the first time, what my posts are normally like.  Seriously, I just have to post something before the month is over.
Enjoy guys! 
      Meet my friend, Self-Confidence Bird.  He tells me exactly what I need to hear with no holds bars when I'm kidding myself.  Also, he is a button.
     For the good of the world, y'alls don't need to see that sad ramble in its entirety.
     Please excuse me while I look forlornly out my window and listen to the lonely sounds of cars driving away.
     I almost never wear hoodies, it's just not how I roll.  There was just too much angst for me to not wear a hood.
     Tears always make me think of Howl's Moving Castle, one of my favourite Studio Ghibli movies.  There is one scene where the female protagonist is coming back from the past and she starts crying these outrageously huge tears.  I've noticed them use huge, bulging tears in Spirited Away too, it must be a magical Japanese thing.
     Monday night, I knew this was exactly what was going to happen Tuesday night.  I've heard that hearts can never fail, never change.  But I've also heard that changing hearts are the one thing you can count on.  Who knows?  I've come to expect weird things in my life, even the best from people...occasionally.
     I swear the next post will be fun and charming.

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Identity Crisis

     Having a signature hairstyle can be a tad problematic.  If it isn't just right, it can be a total day wrecker.  I'm a perfectionist though, so one chunk of bang out of place sets me right off.  For the last few weeks, I've been contemplating a haircut, because my mane of luscious golden brown locks has grown far too thick.
     I've had a variety of short hairstyles before, but I love my flippy, curly-fronted 'do.  Pixie cuts, bobs, boy short, done it: what was I to do now that so many girls are opting for shorter hairs while still maintaining ever coveted individuality?  It raises the question why be tied down to one hairstyle?  Heck, girls are shaving half their heads now a days, what I want is way less crazy.  Anyway, girls put way too much importance into their hair, it becomes a protective shield we hide behind to cling on to our femininity.  I say eff dat shiiieeet!  Wear a dress, slap on some makeup goddamn it! 
     I forgot I have bone structure, the greatest gift from our ancestors aside from good, strong teeth.
       Like it or not, half my hair is a pixie cut and one side of my face is real cold now.
In the wise words of Chef, "There is a time and a place for everything.  It's called college."

Thursday, 22 September 2011


     Tuesday was a horrible day, just awful.  Sometimes I am so thoroughly disgusted by people.  After a hideous day, I did not think it was necessary for the universe to get a man with a long pony tail to sit infront of me on the bus.  Yes, I don't like man pony tails, but if they don't smell like old cigarettes and cat litter, we can co-exist just fine.  What is usually an eight minute bus ride took an eternity as we stopped and jerked along in traffic over the bridge.  With each puff of air though the open window, I would get a shock of gag reflex inducing hair stink in my face which would linger in the suddenly stagnant air and taunt me with the fresh air of the bus exchange within my view.
      I thought I was done with aggravation when I stepped foot onto my last bus on the journey home.  NOPE.  A man, who was already seated, got up halfway through the bus ride to come sit and talk with me even though I had headphones on and was intently studying for a test the next morning.  How nice of him.  Distracted by the flurry of disgruntled texts I was compelled to send to my besties after his departure from the vehicle, I missed my stop.
     It was for the best though, trudging down the hill in my fashionable combat-style boots helped alleviate some of my anger before I went on an impending murderous rampage.
      It's not often I'm monster pissed.
     Over the past couple days I've cooled down, but I still don't understand why being polite has to put nice people in uncomfortable situations.  Being socially awkward is supposed to repel people, not attract men like a tight dress and no bra.
     Usually trying on my fancy dresses really cheers me up, especially because my cousin's wedding is coming up and I get to wear my gorgeous brocade dress from the 40's.  It helped for sure, because it looks fly, and not much is better than eating candy and looking really fly.  Sadly, my marshmallow strawberries were not as sweet as they normally are; I blame my cold, but my distaste for a current situation is most likely the culprit for this dissatisfaction. 
     At least we found a rat in our back yard! It was so small and cute...for a rat.
Oh yeah, it's dead btdubs.  Surprise! Can't unsee that!  You're welcome internest.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Ultimate Pick Me Up

     My house is about 500 degrees below my ectotherm lizard queen limit of tolerability.  My parents won't let me turn the heat on because it is only September so I had to wear a coat and beret in my nest to not freeze to death and catch my death of cold.  Oh wait, too late.
     I decided that this should be a mega relax, tame your illness for once instead of being slightly sick for months and becoming acclimatized to feeling like shit, weekend.  I did a very good job.  I made one studious attempt to stay on top of my readings and study for my quiz tomorrow, but after a few half assed hours, I ended up on watching hours of Jersey Shore.  You see my dear reader, I may have followed the other 3 seasons, but this time I just couldn't be bothered.  Also I worked.  Anyway, 6 hours later, we have my interpretations of all the characters.  Enjoy!
     Let's start with Deena, as she is the newest member of the cast of this epic reflection of regular modern life.  I may be an obnoxious drunk, but mandolin, at least I always wear undies.  Gotta give her credit though, she seems to have a lot of fun, except when she hooks up with girls and gets confused and cries because she is out of control and losing herself but just keeps drinking.  Who deals with real problems anyway?
    I was considering not even drawing her a head, thus her less than recognizable face.  She is an affront to nature.  Enough said.  I do admire her zeal for skirmishes though.  At least once before I die, gotta punch some bitches out. Mmmmmm yes.  I have a signature move I've been developing just for such an occasion, but it's a secret.  Hint: gotta get a lock of hair for the scrapbook!  Jenni tries to be the level headed one, she actually has a pretty reasonable brain above those enormous, bronzed fake breasts.
     AHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT IS THIS HORRIBLE MINION OF HELL?!?!  No, seriously, The Situation is the most hideous thing I've seen in a long time, and I've seen spinal disability porn for my Health Science lecture last year.  His mind is all kinds of wrong too, half the time he just makes weird noises vaguely resembling "nawwww meeeann".  Gak!  Enough of this foul creature! BE GONE HELLSPAWN!
     Oh Snooki, Jionni has turned you into a mopey alpaca.  She still knows how to party though, and she's lost a commendable sum of weight.  I wish I had the technology to do tans or some kind of colour on these illustrations.  If I shaded it with pen, it would defs look like racism.  She is my favourite bowling ball.
     Sammi is the only kind of normal looking girl?  At least I think so.  I would never, in my life, choose to befriend her though.  I hate drama.  I hate other people's drama.  I hate it when people screech at the counterparts of their drama and cry hysterically in public.  Speaking of big dumb animals...
     I find nothing attractive about Ron, except that he has all his limbs and skin, but that could be a lot of people.  He is just so stupid.  It actually hurts me to see him interacting in his televised daily life.  Also men that big disgust me.  HULKING MAN BEAST!  It's just so...creepy.  Like morbid obesity, the human body lets itself extend to huge sizes, but it is not good in the long run.  People just aren't supposed to be like that.  I would not feel comfortable around a guy that could crush my dainty skull between their bicep and forearm.
       I would actually love to have Pauly D as a bro.  He seems like such a fun guy to have around, he and Vinny are so silly!
     Maybe I took a bit of artistic license with Vinny. Vinny is the only one that strikes me as slightly human.  And by human I mean bangable.  But seriously, he seems like a decent boy and his skin isn't the colour of a well cooked roast beast.  Also, has anyone else noticed how hipster he's become in the 4th season?  He even has nice lil' thick rimmed glasses, one of my Kryptonites.  Consider this:
     After all of this Jersey-ness, what was the only logical thing for me to do you ask?  For the first time since the beginning of summer, I broke out the sunless tanner and a pair of vinyl gloves and rubbed myself down with toxic chemicals.  I want to maintain my summer glow, ok?  It's not hypocritical because you can still tell I'm totally a white gurl.  My room still reeks of self tanner though.