Well, let me tell you.
During grad school, I was whole-heartedly exploring my identity as a feminist. Many struggles in my life were coming to a head at that time, most of which revolved around my belief that being female was a burden, something I wished I wasn't, and a crushing sense of futility for the horrors women, across the globe and throughout history, have endured both biologically and sociopolitically. Sexual harassment, women's health issues, the mole man stalker, and my own past relationships culminated into a maelstrom of disenchantment with femininity.
Women have been dragged by their hair and raped in caves since the dawn of humanity. As a group, we have put up with a lot of shit for a very long time. Just because we can handle it, does not justify our oppression, but we continue to thrive in even the worst conditions. I was feeling so defeated and like no matter how strong a person I become, I will always revert to instinctual disassociate-then-flee-mode when faced with sexual harassment and intimidation. One of my classmates reminded me that fleeing is a survival strategy. Freezing and fleeing may not feel the most heroic, but they are adaptive strategies to get through the dangerous stuff. That helped me a lot actually.
One of my 2019 mantras is "What Would Cher Do?".
Cher is an amazing legend, icon, and star, but what was I going to do about anything? There had to be some constructive steps to take. First, I acknowledged my anger. I really bottle up my rage so it was good to let it out in artmaking, crying in front of people (a huge, almost insurmountable act of vulnerability in my books), and talking about it. Around this time, Trump got elected. It was also the dawn of the "Me Too" movement. Like most things in life, talking about the things that hurt and scare us is a pretty sure fire way to start to feel better. If not only for the catharsis of facing the issue aloud. One of my big goals for this year is to continue open dialogue with friends, family, and anyone who needs to talk about the state of womanhood in this rancid world and offering support to work constructively toward a more empowered state of being.
I tried to think of the way I felt before I started getting objectified by boyz, menz, and the dang patriarchy. I thought back to my childhood, when I was fearless, loved being a girl, and was able to embrace the duality of collecting caterpillars in a princess jewelry box. I was so excited to grow up and enjoy the wonders of being a cool, sassy, sexy lady. I wanted to be a hairdresser on the moon! Someone had to be there to make the astronauts look fabulous, why shouldn't it be me?! I used to be so precocious, full of belief and enthusiasm for Girl Power. What the hell happened?
I realized that I had lost my connection to the hopefulness for magic in womanhood. This is all probably just a metaphor for regaining self-confidence after abusive relationships, but I choose to see it as a prophetic epiphany inviting the surging power of the divine feminine into my life. This is where witches come in for me. Witches have had a rough deal for being themselves, and I can relate. Witches generally are independent yet gain strength from their covens. They know the tells from nature when the balance is changing. They follow instincts and act on intuition. They also can work selflessly for the greater good of nature and helping heal fellow humans.
The more I learned about therapy and cross-cultural healing practices, the more connections I made between ritual in magic and ritual in therapeutic processes. Holding sacred space for rituals and even meditation is pretty similar to creating a safe space for open dialogue and simply being with someone in therapy. Both are acts of creation. One is perhaps slightly less tangible than the other, but the principles are more or less the same.
Something I would like to research further is the draw of the empathetic weirdos and outsiders of the world to the healing arts. Not just women, these folks are plagued by the gift and curse of empathy. We all know the trope that people who have been THROUGH IT, pursue careers in psychology (TRUE), and I think the same can be said for our ancestral healers. They tended to be on the peripheries of society with specialized knowledge of healing and helping through practice, experimentation, and trusting their guts. They were usually ostracized or had some kind of taboo about them. Unlike real doctors, us quacks have a lot more freedom to play with our holistic healing methods which can seem ooky, spooky, freaky, and creepy. Some shamans are exalted, but our North American witches were certainly demonized. That nods to gender inequality and the perceived danger of an empowered woman, she must be in bed with Satan!
Mmmm, not necessarily with Satan, but through nature, earth, plants, the moon, water, and vibes? Sure thing! You spend enough time existing quietly with nature, and she will teach you things. I have learned a lot of traditional folk witchy wisdom from my mum. Does she identity as a witch? Nope. Do we agree that we would have been burned alive if we existed hundreds of years ago? Certainly. Strong winds tend to blow the leaves of deciduous trees upside down, therefore it is safe to guess a storm's a brewing. There is a certain smell before it rains. There is also a palpable electricity and heaviness to the atmosphere before summer storms. Robins make a really specific "glooping" noise before it rains. Some plants are edible. Some plants are poisonous. Wow, groundbreaking. We both suffer from migraines and if they aren't hormonal or stress-related, they are probably predicting a big change in the weather which can be attributed to atmospheric pressure and the pressure inside my hereditary-linked messed up sinuses. Same with my eczema. Do my hands hurt? Yes, then it's about to get really cold. Does a dog want to eat your toe? Yes? They you probably have a nasty ingrown on the way. Nature just knows things, and if you know nature, you know those things too.
Needless to say, I love nature. I can almost not contain myself for how desperately I want to escape to my cabin and shirk all my responsibilities to be a hippy witch and just burn things all day and beach-comb for animal bones for home decor. After this work week, my mum and I are going for the long weekend. I will recharge my batteries with the pull of the tide and push of cold February ocean winds. My reverence for nature knows no bounds. Ecological consciousness is central to my being. I am that person who carries reusable cutlery and metal straws around with them, has growlers to refill with kombucha at the packaging-free grocery store, and uses 100% recycled toilet paper. I call myself a secret hippy, but in reality I am a straight-up Eco Feminist Witch, and honestly, I am getting to a point where I am proud of it.
*As an aside, I am still hoping that channeling my witchy energy will help me be more comfortable being seductive, but that is an epic fail so far. Not even the most potent magic could get me to not behave like an anxious robot. A really cute, snatched robot, but a robot nonetheless. #cronelife*
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